Are you your No 1 fan?
Or do other people’s opinion of you count more to you?
The second option can potentially be a route to diminished self-worth.
Why is this?
Well, we all have values that are important to us and the combination of important values varies for each person …so someone else’s opinion of you is judged on their values and not yours.
For example; if wealth isn’t one of your values and purpose is one of your top values, you may have chosen a career that gives you lots of purpose, but your earnings may not be high. A friend, partner or family member who has wealth as their top value and a large pay packet may see you (and possibly treat you) as inferior to them. If you are forming your opinion of yourself on their judgement this is not going to feel good and you may even form a belief that you are inferior to them.
As individuals, most of us take quite a bit of time and consideration deciding what is important to us, what fulfils us and what gives us pleasure, how we treat people and how we want to be treated …. what makes us happy. This consideration may not be at a very conscious level. Over years, our experiences help us to form such things: we experience feelings we enjoy and things we really didn’t enjoy and work out how those happened and how we can have those feelings again or avoid them. Gradually we become, or aim to be, the person we want to be with a set of values which are important to us and personality traits we like. Because we all have individual journeys and experiences, we all have a different combination of important values.
However, most of us don’t give time to reflect on our own opinion of ourselves and our most important values and personality traits we admire in ourselves. We may, however, notice that we feel more connection to people who share our values.
Giving time to what you think of yourself, to acknowledge your values and work towards fulfilling those can give you a great sense of self ….an appreciation and admiration for who you are and how you have chosen to be …and allows for some tweaking if there are things you would like to do differently. You can become your No 1 fan. This can give great stability and resilience when others give unwanted judgements -based on their values. It can also greatly increase confidence. It also removes the need for other people’s positive feedback about us and enables us to feel more self-assured and able to enjoy the journey of being ourselves.
If you feel you would benefit from working with a life coach, please get in touch.